Yes, thank You Jesus for my teenage, angry rebellious child.
I truly am thankful.
What a blessing it is to have such a child!!
He can be such a challenge, yet the Lord has entrusted me with the task of bringing him up. Training him, with my husband, to be a good and rightious man who has the Word of the Lord written in his heart to raise his family and cherish his wife in a way pleasing to God.
I am not being flippant.
I truly am thankful.
It has taken me a while to get here…but here I will stay.
I used to look at other families and see how perfect their families seemed. Their families would all come to church looking amazing, everyone smiling and clean. Their children seemed excited at the opportunity to get up early and go to church to hear the Word. Then to hear that everything at home was just as bubbly, fresh and lovely was even more, shall I say depressing. Their homes were clean, the children loved to do school, learning was easy for their children, chores were not a problem, fighting amongst siblings rarely happened, finances were always in the green and had enough for fancy vacations (sometimes even with friends!), romance was abounding, date night was never canceled due to colds, and the list went on and on. I felt like I was the person living with all the robot women in Stepford.
I was sure I was the only family that things went wonky. My kitchen was clean, never. My children loved school only on days off. There have been a collection of times I was not sure that the bills would not be covered. My kiddos definitely did not always get along. Vacations? We have had a handful and they were never on a cruise, in a resort, or just me and my husband. My girls have all gotten, at some point and time, gum stuck in their hair. We have had the days where you bring in the groceries, the bag breaks and their are raw eggs and flour all over the floor. That is just my family.
So having a son who could be cantankerous should not flabbergast me…
BUT IT DOES!!!
How did this happen?
I blamed myself in every way possible. It had to be my fault. I did not want anyone to know that I had a child that was not “perfect”. How embarrassing!
I would pray to God asking Him “what is wrong with this boy? Why will he not do what I want him to do?”
Again the prayers up to the Lord, “God, this boy you gave me…um he is making me angry and I do not want to be. Fix him please!!”
For years this was how I prayed, I figured that my “gift” from God here was my battle and He wanted my son to learn something and until he did, I was stuck with this behavior. During this time we did find out that my son has a bit of a hearing problem and that he is an audio learner not a book learner. Yeah, that would be a problem for school. Needs one on one time in abundance to understand things. That would make me angry too. Thought that would solve the anger issue. Ummm…nope. He has testosterone too. So still a bit of anger to work through. So I continued to pray “God, fix him! He is breaking my heart! Fix him, I hate seeing him so sad and angry.”
My problem was that I kept praying for God to fix my son.
I would pray for guidance with raising him. I would pray for patience when he would misbehave. I would pray for knowledge as to how to speak to him.
What I forgot to ask God for was for the Lord to fix ME.
I made this all about my son conforming to what I wanted him to be.
I wanted a boy who was respectful, polite, clean and charming now.
I wanted a Pastor son.
Ummm…he does not want to be.
He loves guns, the military and aggression.
He is not an evil boy that runs around hurting little animals for fun. He just loves all that real boy stuff. I had no personal reference to “real boy” before my son. Yes I babysat, but those little ones you see in spurts not lived with 24/7. So when my son loved to play and get all sweaty and dirty as a little one, I loved it! It was new and special. When I saw him play soccer and get aggressive out there on the field. I had to learn to love that…and I did. I know I love seeing it in sports on tv or in the stadiums. Its just hard to watch that with your boy as he grows up to be a man. He was out there shoving and kicking the ball with the best of them…being a male.
Now the Lord is revealing to me that this is another time of learning for myself. He is the teen boy now. He is into teen boy stuff. He really loves the military. He loves weapons. He knows so much about them. I have no idea how he knows all this stuff. He is pretty good with strategy. He can call battle plans and win games. He is actually really good at this stuff. Knowing his Bible verse for the week? Not as good.
The Lord, through my wonderful new friend from Russia, has shown me that God needs soldiers too. Michael the Archangel is a great warrior. There have been many times God has called for wars in the bible. Who carried these out? The pastors? No. The strong, aggressive soldiers who love the Lord go out and protect the women and children. I am learning that this may be my son. A warrior for the Lord.
This does make me happy. I am finding that I have a much easier time praying for the grace to respond calmly to the strong willed emotions I am encountering. (I also pray to help him find a positive outlet for his energy.) When I pray for myself to change I am noticing that I am finding the peace that I was requesting of my son. Interesting. It was me all along that needed the prayer! I needed to change to handle the changes in my son. He does still need prayer and understanding about all the crazy hormones raging through him that can just erupt at the strangest moments. He does still need to take responsibility for his choices and actions. I am not giving him a free pass at all. It is just that now, through the grace of God, being able to see my part of this teenage puzzle and what I can learn from it through Him.
So I will say again to the Lord, thank you for my angry child! He is such a blessing!!